A Minecraft Movie shows Hollywood hates parents — but the kids loved it

If Paddington 2 sits at one end of the family movie quality scale, then A Minecraft Movie is at the other.

While Paddington 2 is a joy for kids and parents alike, A Minecraft Movie only works for children and, importantly, those who have played the computer game it's based on, which has sold over 300 million copies.

Any decent family movie owes it to the parents who pay for the tickets to actually offer them something. OK, not everything has the genius of Paddington 2 or Toy Story, but really, A Minecraft Movie fails on any level to provide anything for mums and dads.

I don’t think a single joke lands in the whole movie, and Jennifer Coolidge is in it! Anything Jennifer Coolidge is in normally makes me laugh, and I was delighted when she suddenly turned up as the Vince Principal to Henry, the child at the centre of the story.

However, the gag that her divorcee character falls for a non-talking villager — some character in the Minecraft world — because he listens to her barely raises a smile. The best part of the movie is probably the end credits when the villager gets a voice, and the voice is that of Toast of London’s Matt Berry, who, it's been reported, was originally lined up to play Steve before having to pull out due to scheduling difficulties.

The plot does that Jumanji thing of throwing everyone into the game with a very beardy Jack Black playing Steve, who, it was explained to me, was the original avatar in Minecraft. My son did his best to explain the various in-jokes, nudging me at one point to say the waiter character is a top Minecraft designer making a cameo.

He was chuckling away as the characters used various objects like swords, and Steve made a meal using chicken and lava.

But come on, what about anyone who doesn’t know the ins and outs of the game? Surely the movie has to work on some other level?

Also, I’m fairly sure a movie needs to create tension and make you care about the characters. It's hard to remotely care about the quest of Steve, Garrett (Jason Momoa), Natalie (Emma Myers), Dawn (Danielle Brooks), and Henry (Sebastian Hansen) as they try to retrieve some object or other to return them home.

If your children love Minecraft the game, they will love the movie

Having now watched a lot of family movies, this one very much falls into the camp of there being nothing for the parents at all. Sadly, Hollywood produces far more like this than gems like the Paddington movies.

A Minecraft Movie did at least achieve the prime goal of entertaining the kids. If your children love Minecraft, then I’d recommend the movie. But get a strong coffee in and some chocolate to get yourself through it.

My kids informed me after seeing the trailers that they want to watch Smurfs next, coming out in the summer — help!