Rylan Clark reveals he got so low in 2021, after his split from husband Dan Neal, that he took himself to hospital “for safety reasons”.
The popular presenter of Big Brother’s Bit on The Side, Ready Steady Cook and Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two and much more told the Observer that after they called time on their marriage, he stepped away from television for four months and the trauma of his life caught up with him.
“I’m the last person that my friends would ever believe could feel as low as I did,” he said. “Superficially, on paper, I can look after myself, but actually in that moment and for months after, none of the money or the fame mattered. I did not know myself at certain points. I was having thoughts and doing things that made me… f***** up, for want of a better word. I didn’t understand why I was doing that to myself. So, I went away for a bit.”
Admitting himself to hospital was the last chapter in a whirlwind decade that began when he made The X Factor finals and then won Celebrity Big Brother. He became very public property and the entertainer, whose real name is Ross, lost control of his life.
“It’s really strange talking about this, because I’ve not even spoken about it to my friends. I just never thought I could get that ill,” he says of his breakdown last year.
When he walked away from presenting Eurovision and shut down his TV persona, he didn’t know whether or not he wanted to return.
“I’d got to the point where I didn’t know if I wanted to come back. Or whether I would be able to do this job again. I’d got… quite ill,” he said.
“I went down to just over 9st and I’m 6ft 4in. It got bad. Like, very bad. And I didn’t think it would get better. I needed help.”
Rylan revealed the heart of his problems lay at the point “Rylan”, the public entertainer, ended and “Ross”, his real identity, began.
He explained: “Everyone feels like I’m their mate. I was probably talking to five million people a night. But last summer for the first time, I literally felt alone … I’ve always been strong. I’ve always taken a lot of shit. And this is where Rylan and Ross come into play. Because when it’s Rylan I’m a brick wall. You can take the piss out of my teeth, call me a c***, and I’ll just go, that’s fine. This is what I get paid for. But when it’s Ross, I don’t deal with that well. And when you find out something you always wanted isn’t what you thought it was…”
Rylan feels like he’s turned a corner. He’s had his teeth redone, put the weight back on and got a new hairstyle.
Recovering from his breakdown, Rylan has a new perspective and is less hungry for fame. He’s learnt a lot... “That I always say yes to everything and I nod and smile. But now if there’s something I really don’t want to do, I’m going to say no. I’ve learned to be more in control. I’ve not had control for so long, I feel like Britney.”
