As football fans around the globe count down to kick-off in the 2026 FIFA World Cup final, Count Binface has delivered his own verdict on the biggest match in the sport – and he's making no secret of who he believes is football's ultimate force.
With Spain vs Argentina battling for the biggest prize in world football, the Clacton candidate admitted there is simply no stopping Lionel Messi.
"If you face Lionel Messi, you must do it alone. I can be of no assistance. He's more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
The tongue-in-cheek assessment came as Binface looked ahead to today's showpiece at New York's MetLife Stadium , although he insisted the tournament itself has been a triumph.
"The tournament as a sort of a stage for football has been wonderful. All the best players in the world... and Cristiano Ronaldo."
For supporters planning to settle in for the evening, Binface also had some tactical advice about making the most of the extended break.
"The good news is you've got 25 minutes at half-time to go and, you know, make a cup of tea, do something a bit different, talk to your family maybe."
Although, last night FIFA insisted that halftime would last no more than 17 minutes, including the 11-minute performance starring Justin Bieber and Madonna.
While Messi earned nothing but admiration, England's latest tournament disappointment prompted a less charitable response from the viral 'Recyclon'.
Binface questioned why Gareth Southgate's successor appeared to repeat the tactical mistakes that frustrated fans during England's run.
"You stick a bloke in specifically to do not what Gareth did in the latter stages of the tournament. And he goes and does the same damn thing! What's that about?"
He added: "He took all his attacking players off while he was winning."
The retreat, Binface joked, resembled a political U-turn.
"Seeing someone come from such a position of strength to having to shore up their defences. It was a sort of Keir Starmer performance."
While dismissing suggestions he could take over from Thomas Tuchal as England manager, Binface revealed a grander ambition:
"If I was to have a second job, I think I'd more have my eye on the FIFA presidency."
His first campaign promise?
"Ban that Infantino bloke from the clouds because they keep showing footage of him for about 10 minutes of every game. It's very irritating."
Ready for Yamal vs Messi? Spain vs Argentina kicks off tonight at 8pm BST. It's free to watch on BBC and ITV in the UK.
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